thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
