so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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