If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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