I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
