Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
