It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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