I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
