Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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