Don't you send me to vm
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
