are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
