weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
its not stalking. its research.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
