Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
