yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
