Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The Olympian is in my bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
