My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
