i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
