i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dick very happy bro
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
