i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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