haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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