I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
