So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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