I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
