you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
