I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just cropdusted the office
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Enjoy the penises
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
