We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
