Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
