Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
