I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
