i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
