so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
