just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
