my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
