U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
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