His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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