wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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