Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
