Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
