Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she smelled like a LAN party
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
