the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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