you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
