Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
