i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
