you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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