I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
