her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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