I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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