I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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