I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
