He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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