So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
40s are totally the cure
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
