she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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