My boss' voice literally gives me gas
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
