I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
