As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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