I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
