he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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