I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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