i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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