Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
