In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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