Farmville is her only friend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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