remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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