he wants to bone in the snuggie
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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