Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
