Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
