Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
