we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.