you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I have poison ivy on my dick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.