I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
