i may or may not be watching the land before time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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