True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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