I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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