I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
