I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
