the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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