Only a mothe r could love this liver
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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