I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
