I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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